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RIVERS TO THE SEA
BY SARA TEASDALE
To Ernst
[1915]
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Part I
Spring Night
- THE park is filled with night and fog,
- The veils are drawn about the world,
- The drowsy lights along the paths
- Are dim and pearled.
- Gold and gleaming the empty streets,
- Gold and gleaming the misty lake,
- The mirrored lights like sunken swords,
- Glimmer and shake.
- Oh, is it not enough to be
- Here with this beauty over me?
- My throat should ache with praise, and I
- Should kneel in joy beneath the sky.
- Oh, beauty are you not enough?
- Why am I crying after love
- With youth, a singing voice and eyes
- To take earth's wonder with surprise?
- Why have I put off my pride,
- Why am I unsatisfied,
- I for whom the pensive night
- Binds her cloudy hair with light,
- I for whom all beauty burns
- Like incense in a million urns?
- Oh, beauty, are you not enough?
- Why am I crying after love?
The Flight
- LOOK back with longing eyes and know that I will follow,
- Lift me up in your love as a light wind lifts a swallow,
- Let our flight be far in sun or windy rain--
- But what if I heard my first love calling me again?
- Hold me on your heart as the brave sea holds the foam,
- Take me far away to the hills that hide your home;
- Peace shall thatch the roof and love shall latch the door--
- But what if I heard my first love calling me once more?
New Love and Old
- IN my heart the old love
- Struggled with the new;
- It was ghostly waking
- All night thru.
- Dear things, kind things,
- That my old love said,
- Ranged themselves reproachfully
- Round my bed.
- But I could not heed them,
- For I seemed to see
- The eyes of my new love
- Fixed on me.
- Old love, old love,
- How can I be true?
- Shall I be faithless to myself
- Or to you?
The Look
- STREPHON kissed me in the spring,
- Robin in the fall,
- But Colin only looked at me
- And never kissed at all.
- Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,
- Robin's lost in play,
- But the kiss in Colin's eyes
- Haunts me night and day.
Spring
- IN Central Park the lovers sit,
- On every hilly path they stroll,
- Each thinks his love is infinite,
- And crowns his soul.
- But we are cynical and wise,
- We walk a careful foot apart,
- You make a little joke that tries
- To hide your heart.
- Give over, we have laughed enough;
- Oh dearest and most foolish friend,
- Why do you wage a war with love
- To lose your battle in the end?
The Lighted Window
- HE said:
- "In the winter dusk
- When the pavements were gleaming with rain,
- I walked thru a dingy street
- Hurried, harassed,
- Thinking of all my problems that never are solved.
- Suddenly out of the mist, a flaring gas-jet
- Shone from a huddled shop.
- I saw thru the bleary window
- A mass of playthings:
- False-faces hung on strings,
- Valentines, paper and tinsel,
- Tops of scarlet and green,
- Candy, marbles, jacks--
- A confusion of color
- Pathetically gaudy and cheap.
- All of my boyhood
- Rushed back.
- Once more these things were treasures
- Wildly desired.
- With covetous eyes I looked again at the marbles,
- The precious agates, the pee-wees, the chinies--
- Then I passed on.
- In the winter dusk,
- The pavements were gleaming with rain;
- There in the lighted window
- I left my boyhood."
The Kiss
- BEFORE you kissed me only winds of heaven
- Had kissed me, and the tenderness of rain--
- Now you have come, how can I care for kisses
- Like theirs again?
- I sought the sea, she sent her winds to meet me,
- They surged about me singing of the south--
- I turned my head away to keep still holy
- Your kiss upon my mouth.
- And swift sweet rains of shining April weather
- Found not my lips where living kisses are;
- I bowed my head lest they put out my glory
- As rain puts out a star.
- I am my love's and he is mine forever,
- Sealed with a seal and safe forevermore--
- Think you that I could let a beggar enter
- Where a king stood before?
Swans
- NIGHT is over the park, and a few brave stars
- Look on the lights that link it with chains of gold,
- The lake bears up their reflection in broken bars
- That seem too heavy for tremulous water to hold.
- We watch the swans that sleep in a shadowy place,
- And now and again one wakes and uplifts its head;
- How still you are--your gaze is on my face--
- We watch the swans and never a word is said.
The Old Maid
- I SAW her in a Broadway car,
- The woman I might grow to be;
- I felt my lover look at her
- And then turn suddenly to me.
- Her hair was dull and drew no light
- And yet its color was as mine;
- Her eyes were strangely like my eyes
- Tho' love had never made them shine.
- Her body was a thing grown thin,
- Hungry for love that never came;
- Her soul was frozen in the dark
- Unwarmed forever by love's flame.
- I felt my lover look at her
- And then turn suddenly to me,--
- His eyes were magic to defy
- The woman I shall never be.
From the Woolworth Tower
- VIVID with love, eager for greater beauty
- Out of the night we come
- Into the corridor, brilliant and warm.
- A metal door slides open,
- And the lift receives us.
- Swiftly, with sharp unswerving flight
- The car shoots upward,
- And the air, swirling and angry,
- Howls like a hundred devils.
- Past the maze of trim bronze doors,
- Steadily we ascend.
- I cling to you
- Conscious of the chasm under us,
- And a terrible whirring deafens my ears.
- The flight is ended.
- We pass thru a door leading onto the ledge--
- Wind, night and space
- Oh terrible height
- Why have we sought you?
- Oh bitter wind with icy invisible wings
- Why do you beat us?
- Why would you bear us away?
- We look thru the miles of air,
- The cold blue miles between us and the city,
- Over the edge of eternity we look
- On all the lights,
- A thousand times more numerous than the stars;
- Oh lines and loops of light in unwound chains
- That mark for miles and miles
- The vast black mazy cobweb of the streets;
- Near us clusters and splashes of living gold
- That change far off to bluish steel
- Where the fragile lights on the Jersey shore
- Tremble like drops of wind-stirred dew.
- The strident noises of the city
- Floating up to us
- Are hallowed into whispers.
- Ferries cross thru the darkness
- Weaving a golden thread into the night,
- Their whistles weird shadows of sound.
- We feel the millions of humanity beneath us,--
- The warm millions, moving under the roofs,
- Consumed by their own desires;
- Preparing food,
- Sobbing alone in a garret,
- With burning eyes bending over a needle,
- Aimlessly reading the evening paper,
- Dancing in the naked light of the café,
- Laying out the dead,
- Bringing a child to birth--
- The sorrow, the torpor, the bitterness, the frail joy
- Come up to us
- Like a cold fog wrapping us round.
- Oh in a hundred years
- Not one of these blood-warm bodies
- But will be worthless as clay.
- The anguish, the torpor, the toil
- Will have passed to other millions
- Consumed by the same desires.
- Ages will come and go,
- Darkness will blot the lights
- And the tower will be laid on the earth.
- The sea will remain
- Black and unchanging,
- The stars will look down
- Brilliant and unconcerned.
- Beloved,
- Tho' sorrow, futility, defeat
- Surround us,
- They cannot bear us down.
- Here on the abyss of eternity
- Love has crowned us
- For a moment
- Victors.
At Night
- WE are apart; the city grows quiet between us,
- She hushes herself, for midnight makes heavy her eyes,
- The tangle of traffic is ended, the cars are empty,
- Five streets divide us, and on them the moonlight lies.
- Oh are you asleep, or Iying awake, my lover?
- Open your dreams to my love and your heart to my words,
- I send you my thoughts-the air between us is laden,
- My thoughts fly in at your window, a flock of wild birds.
To the Years
- TO-NIGHT I close my eyes and see
- A strange procession passing me--
- The years before I saw your face
- Go by me with a wistful grace;
- They pass, the sensitive shy years,
- As one who strives to dance, half blind with tears.
- The years went by and never knew
- That each one brought me nearer you;
- Their path was narrow and apart
- And yet it led me to your heart--
- Oh sensitive shy years, oh lonely years,
- That strove to sing with voices drowned in tears.
Peace
- PEACE flows into me
- AS the tide to the pool by the shore;
- It is mine forevermore,
- It ebbs not back like the sea.
- I am the pool of blue
- That worships the vivid sky;
- My hopes were heaven-high,
- They are all fulfilled in you.
- I am the pool of gold
- When sunset burns and dies,--
- You are my deepening skies,
- Give me your stars to hold.
April
- THE roofs are shining from the rain,
- The sparrows twitter as they fly,
- And with a windy April grace
- The little clouds go by.
- Yet the back-yards are bare and brown
- With only one unchanging tree--
- I could not be so sure of Spring
- Save that it sings in me.
Come
- COME, when the pale moon like a petal
- Floats in the pearly dusk of spring,
- Come with arms outstretched to take me,
- Come with lips pursed up to cling.
- Come, for life is a frail moth flying
- Caught in the web of the years that pass,
- And soon we two, so warm and eager
- Will be as the gray stones in the grass.
Moods
- I AM the still rain falling,
- Too tired for singing mirth--
- Oh, be the green fields calling,
- Oh, be for me the earth!
- I am the brown bird pining
- To leave the nest and fly--
- Oh, be the fresh cloud shining,
- Oh, be for me the sky!
April Song
- WILLOW in your April gown
- Delicate and gleaming,
- Do you mind in years gone by
- All my dreaming?
- Spring was like a call to me
- That I could not answer,
- I was chained to loneliness,
- I, the dancer.
- Willow, twinkling in the sun,
- Still your leaves and hear me,
- I can answer spring at last,
- Love is near me!
May Day
- THE shining line of motors,
- The swaying motor-bus,
- The prancing dancing horses
- Are passing by for us.
- The sunlight on the steeple,
- The toys we stop to see,
- The smiling passing people
- Are all for you and me.
- "I love you and I love you!"--
- "And oh, I love you, too!"--
- "All of the flower girl's lilies
- Were only grown for you!"
- Fifth Avenue and April
- And love and lack of care--
- The world is mad with music
- Too beautiful to bear.
Crowned
- I WEAR a crown invisible and clear,
- And go my lifted royal way apart
- Since you have crowned me softly in your heart
- With love that is half ardent, half austere;
- And as a queen disguised might pass anear
- The bitter crowd that barters in a mart,
- Veiling her pride while tears of pity start,
- I hide my glory thru a jealous fear.
- My crown shall stay a sweet and secret thing
- Kept pure with prayer at evensong and morn,
- And when you come to take it from my head,
- I shall not weep, nor will a word be said,
- But I shall kneel before you, oh my king,
- And bind my brow forever with a thorn.
To a Castilian Song
- WE held the book together timidly,
- Whose antique music in an alien tongue
- Once rose among the dew-drenched vines that hung
- Beneath a high Castilian balcony.
- I felt the lute strings' ancient ecstasy,
- And while he read, my love-filled heart was stung,
- And throbbed, as where an ardent bird has clung
- The branches tremble on a blossomed tree.
- Oh lady for whose sake the song was made,
- Laid long ago in some still cypress shade,
- Divided from the man who longed for thee,
- Here in a land whose name he never heard,
- His song brought love as April brings the bird,
- And not a breath divides my love from me!
Broadway
- THIS is the quiet hour; the theaters
- Have gathered in their crowds, and steadily
- The million lights blaze on for few to see,
- Robbing the sky of stars that should be hers.
- A woman waits with bag and shabby furs,
- A somber man drifts by, and only we
- Pass up the street unwearied, warm and free,
- For over us the olden magic stirs.
- Beneath the liquid splendor of the lights
- We live a little ere the charm is spent;
- This night is ours, of all the golden nights,
- The pavement an enchanted palace floor,
- And Youth the player on the viol, who sent
- A strain of music thru an open door.
A Winter Bluejay
- CRISPLY the bright snow whispered,
- Crunching beneath our feet;
- Behind us as we walked along the parkway,
- Our shadows danced,
- Fantastic shapes in vivid blue.
- Across the lake the skaters
- Flew to and fro,
- With sharp turns weaving
- A frail invisible net.
- In ecstasy the earth
- Drank the silver sunlight;
- In ecstasy the skaters
- Drank the wine of speed;
- In ecstasy we laughed
- Drinking the wine of love.
- Had not the music of our joy
- Sounded its highest note?
- But no,
- For suddenly, with lifted eyes you said,
- "Oh look!"
- There, on the black bough of a snow flecked maple,
- Fearless and gay as our love,
- A bluejay cocked his crest!
- Oh who can tell the range of joy
- Or set the bounds of beauty?
In a Restaurant
- THE darkened street was muffled with the snow,
- The falling flakes had made your shoulders white,
- And when we found a shelter from the night
- Its glamor fell upon us like a blow.
- The clash of dishes and the viol and bow
- Mingled beneath the fever of the light.
- The heat was full of savors, and the bright
- Laughter of women lured the wine to flow.
- A little child ate nothing while she sat
- Watching a woman at a table there
- Lean to a kiss beneath a drooping hat.
- The hour went by, we rose and turned to go,
- The somber street received us from the glare,
- And once more on your shoulders fell the snow.
Joy
- I AM wild, I will sing to the trees,
- I will sing to the stars in the sky,
- I love, I am loved, he is mine,
- Now at last I can die!
- I am sandaled with wind and with flame,
- I have heart-fire and singing to give,
- I can tread on the grass or the stars,
- Now at last I can live!
In a Railroad Station
- WE stood in the shrill electric light,
- Dumb and sick in the whirling din
- We who had all of love to say
- And a single second to say it in.
- "Good-by!" "Good-by!"--you turned to go,
- I felt the train's slow heavy start,
- You thought to see me cry, but oh
- My tears were hidden in my heart.
In the Train
- FIELDS beneath a quilt of snow
- From which the rocks and stubble peep,
- And in the west a shy white star
- That shivers as it wakes from sleep.
- The restless rumble of the train,
- The drowsy people in the car,
- Steel blue twilight in the world,
- And in my heart a timid star.
To One Away
- I HEARD a cry in the night,
- A thousand miles it came,
- Sharp as a flash of light,
- My name, my name!
- It was your voice I heard,
- You waked and loved me so--
- I send you back this word,
- I know, I know!
Song
- Love me with your whole heart
- Or give no love to me,
- Half-love is a poor thing,
- Neither bond nor free.
- You must love me gladly
- Soul and body too,
- Or else find a new love,
- And good-by to you.
Deep in the Night
- DEEP in the night the cry of a swallow,
- Under the stars he flew,
- Keen as pain was his call to follow
- Over the world to you.
- Love in my heart is a cry forever
- Lost as the swallow's flight,
- Seeking for you and never, never
- Stilled by the stars at night.
The India Wharf
- HERE in the velvet stillness
- The wide sown fields fall to the faint horizon,
- Sleeping in starlight. . . .
- A year ago we walked in the jangling city
- Together . . . . forgetful.
- One by one we crossed the avenues,
- Rivers of light, roaring in tumult,
- And came to the narrow, knotted streets.
- Thru the tense crowd
- We went aloof, ecstatic, walking in wonder,
- Unconscious of our motion.
- Forever the foreign people with dark, deep-seeing eyes
- Passed us and passed.
- Lights and foreign words and foreign faces,
- I forgot them all;
- I only felt alive, defiant of all death and sorrow,
- Sure and elated.
- That was the gift you gave me. . . .
- The streets grew still more tangled,
- And led at last to water black and glossy,
- Flecked here and there with lights, faint and far off.
- There on a shabby building was a sign
- "The India Wharf " . . . and we turned back.
- I always felt we could have taken ship
- And crossed the bright green seas
- To dreaming cities set on sacred streams
- And palaces
- Of ivory and scarlet.
I Shall Not Care
- WHEN I am dead and over me bright April
- Shakes out her rain-drenched hair,
- Tho' you should lean above me broken-hearted,
- I shall not care.
- I shall have peace, as leafy trees are peaceful
- When rain bends down the bough,
- And I shall be more silent and cold-hearted
- Than you are now.
Desert Pools
- I LOVE too much; I am a river
- Surging with spring that seeks the sea,
- I am too generous a giver,
- Love will not stoop to drink of me.
- His feet will turn to desert places
- Shadowless, reft of rain and dew,
- Where stars stare down with sharpened faces
- From heavens pitilessly blue.
- And there at midnight sick with faring,
- He will stoop down in his desire
- To slake the thirst grown past all bearing
- In stagnant water keen as fire.
Longing
- I AM not sorry for my soul
- That it must go unsatisfied,
- For it can live a thousand times,
- Eternity is deep and wide.
- I am not sorry for my soul,
- But oh, my body that must go
- Back to a little drift of dust
- Without the joy it longed to know.
Pity
- THEY never saw my lover's face,
- They only know our love was brief,
- Wearing awhile a windy grace
- And passing like an autumn leaf.
- They wonder why I do not weep,
- They think it strange that I can sing,
- They say, "Her love was scarcely deep
- Since it has left so slight a sting."
- They never saw my love, nor knew
- That in my heart's most secret place
- I pity them as angels do
- Men who have never seen God's face.
After Parting
- OH I have sown my love so wide
- That he will find it everywhere;
- It will awake him in the night,
- It will enfold him in the air.
- I set my shadow in his sight
- And I have winged it with desire,
- That it may be a cloud by day
- And in the night a shaft of fire.
Enough
- IT is enough for me by day
- To walk the same bright earth with him;
- Enough that over us by night
- The same great roof of stars is dim.
- I have no care to bind the wind
- Or set a fetter on the sea--
- It is enough to feel his love
- Blow by like music over me.
Alchemy
- I LIFT my heart as spring lifts up
- A yellow daisy to the rain;
- My heart will be a lovely cup
- Altho' it holds but pain.
- For I shall learn from flower and leaf
- That color every drop they hold,
- To change the lifeless wine of grief
- To living gold.
February
- THEY spoke of him I love
- With cruel words and gay;
- My lips kept silent guard
- On all I could not say.
- I heard, and down the street
- The lonely trees in the square
- Stood in the winter wind
- Patient and bare.
- I heard . . . oh voiceless trees
- Under the wind, I knew
- The eager terrible spring
- Hidden in you.
Morning
- I WENT out on an April morning
- All alone, for my heart was high,
- I was a child of the shining meadow,
- I was a sister of the sky.
- There in the windy flood of morning
- Longing lifted its weight from me,
- Lost as a sob in the midst of cheering,
- Swept as a sea-bird out to sea.
May Night
- THE spring is fresh and fearless
- And every leaf is new,
- The world is brimmed with moonlight,
- The lilac brimmed with dew.
- Here in the moving shadows
- I catch my breath and sing--
- My heart is fresh and fearless
- And over-brimmed with spring.
Dusk in June
- EVENING, and all the birds
- In a chorus of shimmering sound
- Are easing their hearts of joy
- For miles around.
- The air is blue and sweet,
- The few first stars are white,--
- Oh let me like the birds
- Sing before night.
Love-Free
- I AM free of love as a bird flying south in the autumn,
- Swift and intent, asking no joy from another,
- Glad to forget all of the passion of April
- Ere it was love-free.
- I am free of love, and I listen to music lightly,
- But if he returned, if he should look at me deeply,
- I should awake, I should awake and remember
- I am my lover's.
Summer Night, Riverside
- IN the wild soft summer darkness
- How many and many a night we two together
- Sat in the park and watched the Hudson
- Wearing her lights like golden spangles
- Glinting on black satin.
- The rail along the curving pathway
- Was low in a happy place to let us cross,
- And down the hill a tree that dripped with bloom
- Sheltered us
- While your kisses and the flowers,
- Falling, falling,
- Tangled my hair. . . .
- The frail white stars moved slowly over the sky.
- And now, far off
- In the fragrant darkness
- The tree is tremulous again with bloom
- For June comes back.
- To-night what girl
- When she goes home,
- Dreamily before her mirror shakes from her hair
- This year's blossoms, clinging in its coils ?
In a Subway Station
- AFTER a year I came again to the place;
- The tireless lights and the reverberation,
- The angry thunder of trains that burrow the ground,
- The hunted, hurrying people were still the same--
- But oh, another man beside me and not you!
- Another voice and other eyes in mine!
- And suddenly I turned and saw again
- The gleaming curve of tracks, the bridge above--
- They were burned deep into my heart before,
- The night I watched them to avoid your eyes,
- When you were saying, "Oh, look up at me!"
- When you were saying, "Will you never love me?"
- And when I answered with a lie. Oh then
- You dropped your eyes. I felt your utter pain.
- I would have died to say the truth to you.
- After a year I came again to the place--
- The hunted hurrying people were still the same....
After Love
- THERE is no magic when we meet,
- We speak as other people do,
- You work no miracle for me
- Nor I for you.
- You were the wind and I the sea--
- There is no splendor any more,
- I have grown listless as the pool
- Beside the shore.
- But tho' the pool is safe from storm
- And from the tide has found surcease,
- It grows more bitter than the sea,
- For all its peace.
Dooryard Roses
- I HAVE come the selfsame path
- To the selfsame door,
- Years have left the roses there
- Burning as before.
- While I watch them in the wind
- Quick the hot tears start--
- Strange so frail a flame outlasts
- Fire in the heart.
A Prayer
- UNTIL I lose my soul and lie
- Blind to the beauty of the earth,
- Deaf tho' a lyric wind goes by,
- Dumb in a storm of mirth;
- Until my heart is quenched at length
- And I have left the land of men,
- Oh let me love with all my strength
- Careless if I am loved again.
On to the next poem.
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