- J -
- My only political ambition is to be re-elected.
Glenda Jackson, British actress and current M.P., on career aspirations, 1997.
- I was a veteran, before I was a teenager.
Michael Jackson, singer, songwriter, and megastar, 1993
- Me and Janet really are two different people.
Michael Jackson, singer, songwriter, and megastar, 1993
- Fruit, Purina Monkey Chow, and the occaisonal oreo.
Dietary needs of Jiggs, last chimpanzee to appear as 'Cheeta' in the Tarzan movies, 1997.
- I vote for beer.
Phillip Jimeno, Maryland state senator, on his recommendation for the official state drink, 1997.
- I was always sending batteries and headless dolls in the mail. I think that's what caught their attention.
Mark Johnson-Williams, 'Tickle-Me Elmo' doll designer, on why authorities had considered him a potential Unabomber suspect, 1997.
- I want to do a musical movie. Like Evita, but with good music.
Elton John, English musician, singer and songwriter, on future plans, 1996.
- I like bubbles and the whole thing. That's the fun of taking a bath.
Earvin 'Magic' Johnson, basketball virtuoso, on his new Magic's Elixir Bubble Bath, 1996
- I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged.
Roger Jones, mathemetician, 1998.
- Get rid of them. When they first started, this wasn't much of a nuisance. But it's epidemic-level now.
Stan Jordan, State Representative, Jacksonville, FL, on automated telephone calls by political campaigns, April 25, 2007
- K -
- It's so easy to fear or hate what you don't know. I firmly believe that any negative reactions one would have would disappear when you hold Alba in your arms.
Eduardo Kac, 'Transgenic Artist', on an albino rabbit with modified jellyfish genes, causing it to reportedly fluoress (glow) under ultra-violet light, December 2001.
- We composers are at least as significant as the stars who make $14
million or $15 million. You just don't see us.
Michael Kamen, movie score composer, 1995
- Longevity? You can't be beautiful and sexy forever. You can be funny.
Dianne Keaton, Comedienne, in a radio interview, February 2004
- One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned -- lock, stock, and roulette wheel --
by Lutheran Brotherhood and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent
Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.
Garrison Keillor, singer and storyteller, describing what would happen if Minnesota sold lake Superior, 1995.
- Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premisis. If I open a cupboard and see, say, 30 cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being--much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.
Garrison Keillor, Humorist, Author, and Vocalist, on investments, 1998
- There's a reason we call them the 10-foot cop. You can see them from blocks away, they're great at crowd control and they're probably the most photographed piece of equipment we have. I'm a huge fan.
Raymond W. Kelly, New York City Police Commissioner, on his decision to add 160 mounted police, NYT Online Edition, April 18th, 2006
- I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
Rose Kennedy, (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991
- I do.
Clark Kent, a.k.a. Superman, to Lois Lane, star reporter, after dating for 58 years, 1996
- Tony is one of the most courageous people I've ever met.
Steve Komac, high school wrestling coach, describing his student, Tony Brown, wrestling competitively at 105 lbs, a year after having both legs amputated following an accident, 1996
- The church needs to keep up. It's the 21st century. We don't pay with chickens and grapes anymore.
Rev. Michael T. Kontogiorgis, of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, on introducing a web-based donations at 20 of its 520 parishes, August 2002, in the NY Times
- If you had to have a diploma or a GED to collect unemployment, you'd see a lot more kids staying in school.
Wayne Knight, actor, on Politically Incorrect, 1995
- It represents such fine ideals, like non-violent resolution of conflict where possible.
Bill Kraft, after a successful 12-year campaign for the US Postal service to issue "Star Trek" stamps, 1998
- In the middle ages, people took potions for their ailments. In the 19th century they took snake oil. Citizens of today's shiny, technological age are too modern for that. They take antioxidants and extract of cactus instead.
Charles Krauthammer, in Time Magazine, 1996
- After endless days of commuting on the freeway to an antiseptic, sealed-window office, there is a great urge to backpack in the woods and build a fire.
Charles Krauthammer, in Time Magazine, 1996
- This is New York, and there's no law against being annoying.
William Kunstler, lawyer, 1994
- L -
- I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much."
Anthony Lake, national security advisor, at University of Massachusettes, Amhurst, Graduation 1995
- A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn't even know existed can render your own computer unusable.
Leslie Lamport, June 1992
- If you knew how meat was made, you'd probably lose your lunch. I'm
from cattle country. That's why I became a vegetarian.
K.D. Lang, singer and songwriter, magazine advertisement,
1990
- Be careful out there. There are things that go bump in the night. Actually, there are things that go 'Give me your wallet or I'll kill you' in the night.
John Larroquette, actor,1994
- I never liked my own species.
Gary Larsen, Far Side Cartoonist, on why so many of his comics are about animals, in an interview, 1996
- It's not Jerusalem, It's not Baghdad. It's not Bolivia. It's Oklahoma.
V.Z. Lawton, bombing survivor, 1995
- That's what's cool about working with computers. They don't argue, they remember everything and they don't drink all your beer.
Paul Leary, guitar player, 1991
- I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb; it is a device which is exploding.
Jacques Le Blanc, French ambassador to New Zealand,
describing France's nuclear testing, 1995
- I now know how Abbot felt when Costello left, how Brinkley felt when
Huntley left, how Sears felt when Roebuck left, and, of course, how Dan Rather
felt when Connie left.
Jim Lehrer, News Analyst, at Robert MacNeil's retirement dinner, 1995
- Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.
David Letterman , CBS Late Show, 1994
- Items in President Clinton's Medical File: #5. Soreness in lower back from years of flip-flopping.
David Letterman, talk show host, 'Top Ten' list, 1996
- People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
David Letterman, comedian, 1995
- For the love of god folks, don't do this at home.
David Letterman , CBS Late Show, demonstrating the Donut-o-pult, 1995
- I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman , after doing a less-than-wonderful job of hosting the Academy Awards, 1995
- We are a multisensory experience.
Scott Livengood, CEO of Krispy Kremem doughnuts 2001
- Part of you think its in bad taste . . . part of you wants an XL.
Web Page Introduction, Los Angeles, California County Coroner's Office Gift Shop, 1996
- It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always
said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then."
Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts,
1994
- I thought it was too wacky for the general public.
George Lucas, movie producer, director, and creator of Star Wars, on his original opinion of his movie's chances for success, 1997.
- You're in charge but don't touch the controls.
Shannon Lucid, record setting American astronaut, recounting what the two Russian cosmonauts tell her each time they leave the Mir space station for a spacewalk, 1996.
- The only thing it would be nice to have more of would be M&Ms.
Shannon Lucid, record setting American astronaut, after 6 months on Space Station Mir, 1996.
- When she gets back to earth, she'll be like a tire that's ready to be retreaded.
Rev. J. Oscar Wells, father of astronaut Shannon Lucid, on her eagerness to return to space,1996.
- M -
- Childhood pictures and pictures of my life. Do you know how many pictures that is? Not just this life; I have pictures from 13,000 lives.
Shirley MacLaine, actress, author, dancer, singer, and reincarnation proponent, on things she had to pack before leaving her home in advance of a forest fire, 1996.
- I'm not interested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room. Give me drugs.
Madonna, singer and actress, requesting an epidural in advance of childbirth, 1996
- I keep telling myself, one day, I will wake up and everything will be back in the place it was supposed to be. But it's not happening.
Mary Magee, on life in a tent city near her former home in Pass Christian, Mississippi, following hurricane Katrina, November 5th 2005
- We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995
- Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995
- Does Mike Tyson live near here?
Nelson Mandela, South African president, during a tour of New York
City, 1990
- I had it all, and I blew it.
Mickey Mantle, baseball player, shortly before dying from cancer and
other complications of alcoholism, 1995
- It's safe, convenient, and you know you'll always be able to find one.
Don Marginson, Recreational Vehicle (RV) driver, on using Wal-Mart parking lots as camp sites. 2001
- It's the biggest thing to happen to purple since Barney.
Gary Marshall, actor, and head of Murphy Brown's TV network, on Northwestern University's trip to the Rose Bowl, 1996.
- I can still smell the tear gas in the Hilton Hotel.
Eugene McCarthy, former US Senator, reminiscing about the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago, 1996.
- They can do more than a cop on foot, or a guy in a car. They can gallop through traffic, go the wrong way up one-way streets, and they're great for community relations. I mean, you can't exactly pet a cop car. Or a police dog, for that matter.
Scott McClelland, Canadian Horse Trainer, on New York City's decision to add 160 mounted police, NYT Online Edition, April 18th, 2006
- The word of mouth is that it's easy, it's safe and it's gratifying. So it's not surprising that the octogenarian, or a mother with children at home, or people with all sorts of uncharacteristic backgrounds would be attracted to trying to give it a go. It can be just about anybody.
Robert McCrie , professor of Security Management at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, on the recent upswing in attempted bank robberies by first-time criminals, July 3rd, 2004
- When a cop on horseback issues a command, people tend to listen. I mean, I'm sitting on a thousand pounds of animal. It's also human nature to respect and fear a horse.
Sgt. William McKay, New York City mounted policeman, on the impact of his partner "Angus" the horse, NYT Online Edition, April 18th, 2006
- That's the day I lost interest in becoming a steam locomotive engineer.
"Upside Down"Johnny Miller, at age 96, Barnstormer, Autogyro and Airline Pilot for 79 years, on the first time he saw a plane land and take off in 1910, July 2002
- It defies logic to require blind students to take this course
Meta Minton, State Board of Education spokeswoman, on Illinois school district requirements that Blind students must pass Driver's Ed in order to graduate from high school, MSNBC Online Edition, march 10th, 2006
- The pride and presence of a professional football team is far more important than 30
libraries.
Art Modell, owner of the Baltimore Ravens (formerly Cleveland Browns), 1996
- I read half of it, then I skipped through. I already know what it's about, though.
Dominique Monceau, adolescent US Olympic gymnast, on reading her 'autobiography'. 1996.
- Look, I do hair for a living. If you want to find out what the American people are thinking about, do you sit in an attorney's office or in a barbershop?
Monte Moreno, boxer, hairstylist, and Republican Senate candidate in Minnesota, 1996.
- What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.
Alanis Morissette, singer, 1995
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